Also known as: The late Valentine’s Post
I meant to post this earlier, but work ate up my time and by the time I get home, I’m too tired to open any of my computers and all I want to do is read and rest. The rest of the week flew by in a blur, too, and honestly, I just wanted to sit and read, which I have been doing all weekend (instead of cleaning my closet, oops!). I apologize.
But before anything else: belated happy Valentine’s day! :)
Here’s the one most important thing I learned from this year’s Valentine’s day: if you ask, it will come. Or, to use Jesus’ words, ask and it will be given to you.
It’s funny because I realized I never really asked because it sounds desperate. Especially on Valentine’s Day, when I’ve always had some kind of bitter streak going up until I decided not to be bitter (I’ve told the story here). But even so, I never asked. I figured a really good guy should know to get flowers (or something) for girls, particularly his colleagues if he’s a part of a team. It’s just the nice thing to do, right?
Wrong. Expectations, much? While it’s not necessarily bad to want gifts, sometimes people can just be…clueless. Particularly guys who are not really in love with his girl friend. And knowing guys, they probably forgot that it was the 14th.
So I asked. There’s nothing wrong with asking. I think there’s something really humbling about asking. I’m not the type of person who asks much. As much as I don’t ask questions, I also don’t usually ask for help unless I really, really need it. Asking, whether it’s for material things or help, reminds me to be connected to other people, even if it’s just through a blog or a tweet. Asking reminds me that I can’t make it here in this world alone, and I need other people. And asking also shows that other people need you too, in their way of responding to you, and to see you happy makes them happy, too.
To make the long story short, I got what I asked. Welcoming me at work was a red balloon from Earl the Pearl, and my email inbox received that sunflower image from Dodge. I had a fun lunch date with my teammates (OMG Thai food ♥), got an awesome, awesome gift from one of my favorite authors, got myself flour-less chocolate brownie from Starbucks, and was surprised by my brother and sister-in-law with a balloon bouquet. My brother and sister-in-law dropped me home, too, and that just really topped my day. :) Valentine’s Day almost felt like it was my birthday with all the excitement and surprises. All I could think of at the end of the day was Thank You, Lord.
Because that’s really where it ends, you know? Where it ends and where it begins. At the end of the day, I’d like to believe that God was happy because I was happy. I can’t remember where I read it, but I know that God takes pleasure in answering our prayers. And Valentine’s Day proved that to me, for the umpteenth time in my life. :)
* * *
I was reading my Valentine’s Day entries in the past years and I just had to laugh. I alternate between bitter to jaded to sometimes maybe sickeningly hopeful and optimistic. It’s kind of fun to see how different I was every year, and it’s made me think of what will make this year different than the others.
I was listening to Boundless Podcast # 159 the weekend before Valentine’s Day and I had to laugh at how much I can relate. In the past years, I stuck to the “waiting” and encouraging myself on the waiting because I know I’m not yet ready. I know that as much as I think being in a relationship may be sweet, I don’t really want it just yet. Last year I learned how to be alone and be happy. This year, as Valentine’s Day rolled around, I wondered what could I learn from this year’s Valentine’s Day1.
How about taking chances?
It’s not about making the first move, really. I don’t think I’m ever cut out to pull a Ruth. Sometimes it’s tempting, but I don’t think I have enough courage to pull a Ruth (and if God wanted me to do that, I feel like it’s not yet time). I’ve long touted myself as a manang, or a someone who’s not really forward. As talkative and as friendly as I am (sometimes!), in the “game of love”, I’d really rather respond than make the first move. I realized, in the past week, that that is still in my heart. I still want to be pursued. But wanting to be pursued doesn’t mean I’m going to sit around in my own and just wait for the guy to fall from heaven wherever I am. I’ve got to be realistic.
I know all of this already, but I never really felt ready about it, until now. Okay, I don’t think I’m 100% ready, but I also don’t think anyone can be that, 100% ready. Sometimes, you just have to take risks, take chances.
And this me, taking chances.
What I really mean is, I’m putting myself out there. I am turning twenty-five this year. I am soon to be in my mid-20’s. In a year, I will be on my late 20’s. I’m not really in a hurry2, but I can’t just stay at home and stick to what I am doing if I want to find someone. Or be found.
And sometimes, guys get lost, you know.
So I guess we can say I’m finally applying the Finding Your One True Love3 lessons, finally. I will not let go of my values, and I don’t think I will get over my dream of being pursued. I’m not about to get myself an online dating profile or what, but I’m open. I will say yes. To introductions, to new adventures, to new friends. New male friends, if I want to be specific, but new female friends are always good. :) If there was anything that I really appreciated before 2010 ended, you never lose anything when you go out of your way to meet people. Okay fine, you may lose sleep from all the night outs, but good times and conversations always win out over that.
It’s not going to be easy. It will probably hurt at some point, and I will probably meet more frogs than princes4. But maybe, somewhere along the way, there will be someone who will be willing to exhaust all efforts just to win my heart, just the way God continues to do. :)