Tag Archives: faithfulness

In His Steps

Faithful to Me

I think I’ve mentioned this before sometime and somewhere: I’m not a person who gets mad easily. My roommates even wondered that about me back in college, how whatever they do, whatever they say, I keep on saying that everything’s okay, that they don’t have to worry about it and I’m not offended. It’s not that I don’t get annoyed, I just don’t get annoyed easily, and when I do, I don’t get annoyed for too long.

I also thought I wasn’t a person who carried grudges. I mean, how could one person who doesn’t get mad too easy even carry one, anyway?

But lately, I’ve learned that I actually do carry grudges. A bit.

I’m not confrontational, so usually when I’m pissed off, I let it pass and then it’s gone. But I never really tell the person if I get offended. It’s something I should work on, I know, because no one is a mind reader and I can’t blame them if they don’t know what they did to offend me, right?

Anyway, during my 23rd birthday, a person that really mattered to me didn’t greet me. And…well, it hurt. I know it feels kind of shallow to be annoyed at something like this, but birthdays are a big deal for me and when it’s that person’s birthday I try to make sure that I can greet that person, you know? How hard would that kind of greeting be? I wasn’t expecting a surprise; a simple text would have sufficed.

I was trying to give more time for that person to greet me, even if it ended up being days and weeks after. I’d settle for even an “OH MY GOSH I can’t believe I forgot about it I’m so sorry happy birthday!” type of greeting.

But it never came.

And then I started thinking, “Does this person even care?”

And then I started wondering when was the last time we even saw each other.

What was the last thing I knew about this person?

When was the last time I was able to talk to this person and tell him/her about whatever is bothering me?

When was the last time he/she exerted an effort to meet me halfway?

And I realized how much I’ve been putting my life on hold at times just so we can catch up. How much I have been calling this person a certain title that maybe he/she doesn’t really deserve.

And then I started feeling really, really hurt, to the point that I wanted to text the person and confront him/her about it and how lousy of a friend he/she is.

You know that feeling, when you just wanted to give up? And I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because it’s been going on for a while, and I knew I shouldn’t have expected anything more, that I should have learned from how it was in the past. I had this strong feeling that I should move on, that that person doesn’t deserve the way I value him/her, and I deserve more.

It’s just fair, isn’t it?

I was brewing with all of these thoughts up until Wednesday. Interestingly, I had changed my Yahoo! Messenger status to something related to that (But now I feel like I don’t know you — don’t you just love Paramore? :P), and I actually got a couple of replies, including that person in question.

But I wasn’t appeased. I was more annoyed, actually.

I was more annoyed at myself because I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about what I feel.

And then I went to the chapel for First Wednesday Mass.

I got to the chapel late, so when I got in it was already time for the homily. I was pleased to see that it was the priest I know from the other chapel (ever since I went on midshift I started hearing mass in this other chapel),  and I missed hearing his homilies so I listened. The readings for the day were kind of hard to digest, so it was kind of hard to really get into it, until he finally said something that hit me like a brick.

Be faithful to one another.

Incidentally, I was listening to Jennifer Knapp’s Faithful to Me earlier that day, so that line kind of struck a nerve. Fr. Odon repeated the line: Be faithful to one another. Faithfulness goes a long way.

And then I almost broke down crying in the chapel.

Okay I may have exaggerated, but I did want to cry.

It hit me then…what right do I have to demand to be treated that way? To be remembered on that day? I know it’s my birthday and it’s a big deal, yes, but why do I demand such treatment? And why am I threatening to turn away from this person after I have been forgotten? What right do I have?

What right do I have to turn away, to give up, especially when Someone who I’ve been hurting and forgetting a lot has never turned His back on me? What right do I have to demand so much attention when I couldn’t even give the same kind of attention to The One who really deserves it all? What right do I have to get angry when Jesus never gets angry at me for forgetting Him?

Tell me, what right do I have? What right do we have?

No matter how much I turn away, no matter how much I forget, He has never failed to be faithful. It blows me away when I really think about it, how He has never turned away from me, from any of us. And I know for a fact that if there was anyone who didn’t deserve having someone so faithful, it’s me, being the sinner that I am.

But I’m just glad He is. Faithful. In every way possible.

I know I may have every reason to be mad, to cut of all ties from that person, and I know all of these feels martyr-like…but in the bigger picture, I deserve the same thing. But He didn’t cut me out of His life, His love.

So how could I not be faithful to others when He has always been faithful?

[audio:http://www.refineme.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/12-faithful-to-me-reprise.mp3]

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you’d understand
You’re the only one who’s faithful to me.
You’re the only one who’s faithful to me.
– Faithful to Me (Reprise) by Jennifer Knapp

Dear Diary, In His Steps, Quotable Quote

Hello, 2007

1 Comment

Where was I for the past first five days of 2007? Let me list them down:

  • January 1: I spent the first two hours in prayer. *blissful smile* I was hit by a big realization the day before while having my hair cut, and that was then I decided that I will spend the first hour of 2007 in prayer. I ended up spending two because the first one was with my family while the second was for my own prayer time. I figured out that I concentrate better in my prayer when I write while I pray so now I write it down. :) I slept, then we went to Tagaytay after lunch for kicks. We visited the lot we have there, then ate at Josephine and went home. My brother and I were supposed to go to the gym but it was traffic so off home we go!
  • January 2: Back to work. It was still kinda relaxed since most people are still on leave. Oh yeah, this was also my first day of gym! Cardio workout for 30 minutes since we got there kind of late. :D
  • January 3: Workout again in the morning, and then work!
  • January 4: Workout again, lots of work and then dinner with the parents at Wendy’s. ♥
  • January 5 (Today): Workout again, then work and now home. HELLO WEEKEND!

Kinda boring if you list it like that. :P The only interesting day I had was New Year’s. Interesting in a way that it didn’t involve work. Although work can be a bit interesting; I’m just not allowed to talk about what exactly I am doing at work here. So there.

Although, I can definitely say that 2007 has been proving to be quite a challenging year so far. And yes, it’s mostly because of work. But let’s not talk about that. ;) It’s times like these that I wonder if I might really have the gift of prophecy (as in the gifts of the Holy Spirit). It’s not that I predict things that will happen (although sometimes, the things I say actually happen, but that’s for another post). Anyway, let’s see…2004 was a year where a lot of things happened, 2005 was the quiet year and 2006 was the year where I learned of God’s faithfulness. Before 2007 started, I was quite apprehensive because I can feel like this year is going to be a year of challenges. I feel like God is going to send me challenges here and there — things that will challenge my beliefs, my faith, my relationship with Him. I don’t know what these challenges are (except work? Haha okay I shall shut up now), but it’s enough for me to balk.

New Year’s Eve, I was praying for God to still my heart, that I may be ready for the coming year. I didn’t pray for it to pass, because I know I’d have to go through something like this sometime, and what better time than now?

Scary? You bet.

But then again, maybe that’s just me. You know, being negative for a change. Who knows? Only God knows.

Though…you know what? Last year is the year where I discovered God’s faithfulness which was deeper than I ever imagined…and this year is also an extension of that. Although maybe this year, God will bring me to another level, to have a real kind of faith, not the one that relies on feelings and experiences alone, but is solidly rooted in His saving love.

As I got out of the office earlier, I was thinking of a lot of things that involved our discussion in the office, as well as battling with this feeling of wanting to quit. But thing is, I’m not a quitter. Although sometimes it feels like I’m wasting my time, and I’ve been hearing so many stories that’s enough to scare me and make me want to retreat.

But then I don’t want to do anything that isn’t in God’s will. As I was walking towards the EDSA Shrine, I got thinking…about work, and the load that’s coming in the next few weeks, the challenges that I will have to face there…and I got scared. But then a word got to me: endurance.

I read it somewhere that we are put in places that isn’t necessarily what we want, and at times we kind of want to leave it because it’s not what we want, and it doesn’t make us happy. I know we should follow our hearts, whatever makes us happy…but do we even know what it is immediately? Yes, God’s will is our deepest desire, and God wouldn’t put us wherever we are miserable…but do we really know what our heart’s desire, just like that?

I’m not saying that God would make us do things we don’t like. God cares more about the journey rather than the destination. We may see that Thing A is good for us, but God sees that Thing B is the best, which is what He wants for us. And the journey to Thing B, is not always easy, but in the long run, it’s worth it because not only did we get the best, but we also became a different person through the journey. Only God knows what our Thing B is, which makes the adventure all the more interesting, albeit terrifying at times.
And through the journey? We endure. I looked up endurance in the Bible and I got this, which spoke to me immediately:

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven’t stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you’ll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
– Colossians 1:10-12, The Message, emphasis mine

So this 2007, it may be a year full of challenges, but I know God is faithful. And God is definitely bigger than any of the challenges that will come. :)

Here’s to 2007. *cheers*

Dear Diary, In His Steps, Quotable Quote, Say Cheese!

It's coming around again

Hello, it’s the last year of 2006 and I still can’t connect through FTP so the layout will really just have to wait. Perhaps there’s other things God wants me to put in the layout so it’s waiting. Just be surprised when I have it up. :P

Anyway, I’ll be out later to go to my aunts’ house in QC for a pre-New Year visit, so I’ll be doing this 2006 look back now. I’d upload pictures, but it seems like I won’t be able to…so I’ll just link lots of stuff and re-post pictures I have lying around the site.

So…2006 was a year of fulfilled (and still being fulfilled) promises. 2004 eventful, 2005 was quiet, and 2006 was a year where I believed in God’s promises for me and the people I love; and also a year where I learned to branch out a little bit. Without further a do…here’s the monthly look-back I love doing. :P

Oh, and before you click that, I warn you this is going to be a long entry. :P

Continue reading It's coming around again →

Dear Diary, In His Steps

A Nugget of Wisdom from The Lion King

Well, last week wasn’t really a long week, as I predicted last Monday night. Things actually started looking up by Tuesday, and it’s funny how God surprises me by answering my prayers in the most unexpected way and at the most unexpected time. Basta, all I can say is God is good, and I know that I am in very safe hands. :)

I spent the rest of the week reading, and going out with my mom; by Friday, I went to school to support Tuesday on her defense and to meet up with some friends who I haven’t seen for a long time. My brother’s iPod went bye bye (the sad iPod picture showed…it’s cute, even if I know the iPod is dead), talked to friends and then went to the Elim Singles table talk with Happy. It was fun, and half the time Happy, Bea and I were laughing. :P Then I spent two lazy days at home, just reading and watching TV. What a life, eh?

I know this kind of bum life is going to end soon, and I am trying to prepare myself. Or, starting to prepare myself. Thing is, I don’t know how…and I have this thing of “crossing the bridge” when I get there. Tomorrow is a day that I know would change my life (I was thinking of something less drastic, but I realized that tomorrow would probably change my life) and the choice I would make tomorrow morning would determine where I will be for the next two years or so. I’ve been waiting for this, though, but I still can’t help but be kind of scared because it’s a major decision. As in MAJOR. I’m kind of nervous, but as I was praying earlier today, I just let God handle it. After all, it’s useless to worry about tomorrow today, when today has enough worries of its own.

I’ve learned in the past days that it’s more important to deal with what you have now than to worry about what is about to happen. Take note that it’s not wrong to prepare for tomorrow, but it is wrong to keep your eyes on tomorrow and forget to deal with today. So now what I’m learning is to totally banish worrying from my life. As Simba, Pumbaa and Timon said, Hakuna Matata. No worries, because God is in control. I should not worry because God is taking care of me. I shouldn’t worry because I know that God loves me and whatever happens to me is part of His will. I shouldn’t worry because that’s just going to make things worse. You know? Worrying breeds some kind of fear of tomorrow, and God does not want us to live with fear.

Of course, it’s hard, but what matters is I try. :) So why don’t you try it with me? Try removing the word “worry” in your vocabulary for a day. Whenever you find yourself worrying, turn away from it, look to God and remind yourself that God is big enough and He is in control. See what you feel afterward. :)

Altogether now, HAKUNA MATATA! :)