Tag Archives: job

Dear Diary, In His Steps

I feel like I'm Job

For those who are curious: I live in Cainta.

Obviously I’m blogging so you know I’m okay. Normally rains don’t bother me except the fact that it’s so hard to commute, because our village entrance usually gets flooded and I get stranded inside the village. Plus rains mean brownout and no internet, so you know.

Saturday gave me a whole new reason to be scared of rains. I woke up with a plan to do the following: go to the gym, go to NaNoWriMo volunteers’ meeting, then buy the bag I want and go home. However, I woke up late so I didn’t get to ride with my brother so I told myself I’d just commute. He then warned me to not go out anymore, so I just went online to book flights for our Palawan trip this December. I knew there was a typhoon but I didn’t think much of it, since it’s just rains and like I said, it doesn’t flood in our street. I cancelled the meetings and was fully prepared to be inside the house the entire day and enjoy the bed weather with my new books…but then a few hours later, I went out and my dad said, “Look, water’s rising up to the gutter.”

Again, let me reiterate: we never get flooded in our street.

By lunchtime, water was beyond our gutter, and by three in the afternoon, water was in our garage. Four, water was inside our house. By eight, we crossed waist-deep flood to get to our neighbor’s second floor with our valuables and prayed for the rain to stop.

Waking up the next morning was surreal. Our house…is…I can’t describe it. The things we put up so they won’t get wet tumbled down into the water anyway. My brother’s camera got wet because we didn’t see it. Our clothes are safe, thank goodness, but most of our furniture are wrecked. We’ve cleaned up stuff yesterday and today, but we’ve got a long way to go. Some of my books got wet, I lost a lot of files, my brother’s clothes all got soaked. It’s surreal.

I’ve helped out flood victims, but I never thought I would be a flood victim myself. I try to laugh it out and say it’s time to clean up anyway, but tell me: how does one go back to normal after something like this?

I know I’m luckier than the other ones because most of my belongings are saved and we have good neighbors and our house is still intact and everyone I know is safe (well, still waiting for the other people to text). But my heart is unsettled, and I want to be brave but I feel like I can’t. Sometimes I wish I had the power to magically make everything okay, but I can’t. How can I ever go back to functioning normally again after this?

I’m not mad at God, nor I am questioning His purpose. I’m trying very hard to trust Him right now, to trust that this is a part of His plan. I’m trying very hard not to be afraid, but I feel like I will always be afraid whenever there is rain. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to sleep soundly with the sound of rain. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to work and hear the rain without worrying about my mom at home. I don’t know if we’ll even be able to restore our home.

It’s just so, so, surreal.

And then I remember Job.

My situation isn’t anything like Job’s of course. He got it so much worse. But there was this verse that I remember from his book that I am trying to hold onto:

I was born with nothing, I will die with nothing. The Lord gave and now He has taken away. May His name be praised! (Job 1:21)

What strength and faith he has to be able to utter that. Imagine me, losing so little and saving so much and I find difficulty to praise and thank God for it. All I could think about is “What next?”

I want to find the strength to be optimistic, to be brave and to start again. I want to be brave for my family and my friends. I don’t know how, but I know I’m out. And I know He’s got more. And He’s bigger than all of this. And He’s the only one I can hold onto in this time.

Interestingly, when we got back after the flood has gone down, we found that the altar in our house wasn’t moved at all. Everything else tumbled down/was wet, but the water didn’t even touch the Bible enthroned on our altar. If that isn’t a sign of God’s strength, I don’t know what is.

I don’t know what will happen next, and I have a feeling I’ll swing from happy to sad and back and I don’t know when we’ll be able to recover from this…but I’m going to try to hold on. I’m going to try to praise God regardless of what happened…because He is God. And I am not. And He knows and understands more than what I can understand now.

It’s going to be a long week. Maybe even months for others. Thanks to everyone who texted and sent a message through all kinds of social networking stuff. :P Thanks to our neighbors who we stayed in for two nights and to everyone in the street who helped out. It’s far from over, so please keep on praying. Not only for us but for the other people who got devastated by Ondoy.

I will do my best to echo Job in this situation. God, please give us the strength to hold on. Please don’t let us go.

Every blessing You pour out
I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

(Blessed be Your Name, Matt Redman)

We’re okay. We’ll be okay. Other people need more help than we do, so please send donations their way. You can visit Philippineaid.com to see how you can help.

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Skimming the Surface

Observation is a more powerful force than you could possibly reckon: the invisible, the overlooked, and the unobserved are those that are most in danger of reaching the end of the spectrum. They lose the last of their light. From there, anything can happen…Lives altered forever by you, by the simple effect of being present…by entering the light, by joining the dance.
– Mrs. Landing God, Joan of Arcadia (source: Television without Pity)

Can I just say that I’m sick of this layout already? I look forward to the upcoming Holy Week break to get working on a newer (and less pink) layout. Something that will last longer, yes?

The quote up there is from one of my favorite Joan of Arcadia episodes, the one where God told Joan to ask Ramsay the bully to the dance which put her life in danger but saved a lot more people even if it meant Ramsay had to go to jail. Joan thought she failed, but God told her otherwise, saying that she did exactly what He wanted her to do: to be present. To observe. To see things and notice the unnoticed. In this episode, viewers are taught how valuable our presence is.

Something hit me last Friday, hence the semi-emotional cryptic entry. ((Which wasn’t so cryptic according to some of my friends)) Yes, it’s about work and it basically made me want to get out of here — and I mean ASAP. What I mean with “here,” well, it’s for me to know and for you to find out. Ask me, I might just tell. Might. :p

Continue reading Skimming the Surface →

Dear Diary

Busy, busy Bee

1 Comment

And suddenly, there’s so much work to do!

I don’t know if I should be happy…but it’s got me feeling…productive. And I like that feeling.

Hey, maybe that’s what I am supposed to do. Be productive. It doesn’t matter what field it may be…as long as I am productive, I am happy. Or at least, fulfilled.

Sooo…as for the job woes? I’m hanging on. Hanging by a moment, actually. I’m standing here until You make me move. I believe this is where You want me to be. Help me to trust You with all my heart, Lord.

Time to go home!  I have a  packed weekend, and the next few weeks are going to be packed as well, so I’d really appreciate some prayers. :) Thank you!

Now it’s time to go! I promise to write more once I get the time. I really do!

Oh, and don’t forget the Blog Parteeh! See you there on Saturday!

Thought-Provoking, WWW

Passions

5 Comments

As I was on my way home last night, I realized something.

I don’t hate my job. I don’t even dislike it.

Well, that’s good.

However…

I don’t love it either.

Maybe I like it. But it’s not something I really like (see the emphasis). It’s like when you have a friend that you don’t hate or dislike…but you like that person but not like like. You get what I mean?

So why am I still here if I don’t love it?

Like I said, it’s not that I hate it. I’m doing pretty okay here actually, and I’m learning a lot. I’m making friends (I think). I’m being exposed to the industry (somewhat, but it’s kind of a different industry, actually)! I’m learning how to be professional! But…it doesn’t give me a thrill. Whenever people ask me how I’m doing with my job, I always say, “I’m learning a lot,” never “I love it!” Call it limbo. Somewhere in between.

I don’t feel the excitement you get in doing something you know you love. Like the feeling of a photographer when he sees his photos developed/printed, or when a writer gets hit by a new idea or sees his creation published, or heck, even when a shopper learns about an upcoming sale! That feeling, the feeling in your gut that no matter how difficult the task ahead may seem, it’s okay because you know that you’d love every step you’d be taking on the way and the victory is sweet because you know you loved it.

I think the word here is passion.

I think…that my staying here is influenced by the fact that I like the idea of being able to work. I like the idea of earning my own money and being busy. Of being able to do something productive with my time.

But what if that wears off?

I want to do what Anberlin sings in Time & Confusion: It’s not about the money we make / it’s about the passions that we ache for / what makes your heart beat faster? / tell me now what does your body long after? I want to do something I’m passionate about. Something that makes my heart beat faster whenever I think of it. Something that would make me look forward to waking up every Monday because I know I’m going to enjoy my day.

I wonder if maybe I’m not giving my current job a chance. I mean, I’ve only been there for four months…which is obviously very small amount of time. What do I know about the corporate world in four months? What if I’m feeling this only because of all the not-so-good things I heard, or because I find myself unknowingly comparing myself to other people? What if I’m allowing myself to be influenced, when in the first place I shouldn’t even listen to them? I feel like if I do a career move anytime soon, in anytime less than a year or two years, I am a quitter. And I am definitely not that.

But how do you qualify what quitting is? When can you say when one person is a quitter or not? What if you decide to follow your passion, and in following that you had to change careers in a short span of time, is that quitting?

What will I do now? Am You opening up doors of opportunity here, Lord, or am I thinking highly about myself? Should I go or take my time and see how things unfold before I make a move? (Well the answer to this question is obvious.)

Lord, I need help? Am I acting on my own here or is this really You behind everything I’m hearing and seeing?

Hay, why is growing up so complicated? *sigh*

On another note, because I want to be some sort of “Fairy Godmother” today, I’d make someone‘s wish come true. I’d like to plug Riz‘s pet project, Ituloy Angsulong. You go girl!

Off I go to finish reading The Martyr’s Song by Ted Dekker and cry. :P Oh, I’m crying because of the book okay? :)

Good night! :)

Dear Diary, Randomnities, Say Cheese!

Thursday Thirteen # 3: The Life Update

Let’s go simple this time. It’s time I update everyone about what’s happening in my life (like that’s so interesting, but then again this is my blog so I can post that :p). And this week has been quite interesting, so let’s get on with it. :)

Thursday Thirteen # 3: Things that happened to me this week

Thirteen Things that Happened to Me Since Thursday

  1. Friday, I went to school to visit and to support my friend Tuesday on her final thesis defense. Her defense was at 11:30, and I got there around 9:00am, so I hung out at the YFC Tambayan first and talked with the people there. Gosh, I missed the people there so much! :)
  2. Happy arrived a little while later and we went on our way to Gokongwei building to support Tuesday. We talked, then she slept at the lobby while I read as Tuesday’s defense went on.
  3. My iPod broke down. :( Actually, it’s my brother’s iPod because we switched so I was enjoying the benefits of having a 40GB iPod. The hardware corrupted and the sad iPod started showing up. Cute, but that it meant no music. :(
  4. While waiting, I got a call from one of the companies I got interviewed at weeks before, telling me that my job offer is ready. I scheduled a meeting for Tuesday next week.
  5. Tuesday went out a bit before 2:30pm, and their temporary verdict for their defense was re-demo. That meant that their group is one step closer to passing, but they had to do something more. Sooo….that meant Tuesday wouldn’t be able to go with the rest of us for the Elim Singles table talk. :( But oh well, it’s the last one she’s ever going to do something for thesis, so it’s okay.
  6. I met up with Bea, and she updated me with her life over some hot chocolate. Then we went to Gox to meet with Tue again. She got ticked off over some thesis thing and she had to do some things before we left for Elim Singles. Then I met up with Bung when Bea disappeared and she told me about what’s up with her life and YFC-DLSU. Then Bea came back and we met Happy at the LRT station to go to Katipunan. :)
  7. Elim Singles Table Talk! The Veggie Girls minus Tuesday spent most of the time laughing at some things only the three of us could laugh about that night. Haha. We even had a pseudo drinking session — with water. It looked real enough! :p
    August 18, 2006
  8. Saturday and Sunday was very…blah. We were supposed to go out but I ended up sleeping half the time. Finished reading The Big Over Easy by Jasper Fforde.
  9. Monday, I finally got to crack Gamehouse’s Mystic Inn and Delicious Deluxe. Spent most of the day reading and not worrying about my schedule the next day. ^^;
  10. Haw Flakes - click to see bigger imageTuesday, I went to the office of the company who called me last Friday to get the job offer. Read it and talked to my mom and brother about it. I bought The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde. Then we went grocery shopping. Grocery is always fun when I’m with my brother because we ended up getting a lot of snacks that we normally don’t buy because we don’t have money. :D We got to buy Haw Haw Milk Candies and Haw Flakes (some of my childhood candies :D).
  11. Tuesday finally passed her thesis. She’s going to graduate this October! :D All our prayers were answered :)
  12. Wednesday, I spent most of the day calling the HR of Sun Cellular to clarify some things. I went to the mall with my mom and spent some time in prayer at the Adoration Chapel at the EDSA Shrine. I finally made up my mind and made one of the biggest decisions in my life. The discernment I did was a big thing too, and I’ll reserve it for another post. :)
  13. And last, but not the least! Today, I accepted the job offer. :) I HAVE A JOB! Praise God!

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