Category Archives: Thought-Provoking

Things that made me think and would make you think too.

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

The Noisy List

Remember back in elementary, whenever the teacher goes out of class, or whenever there’s a spare period, he/she would always assign someone to take note of who are the noisy while the teacher was away? There’s nothing that could probably frighten an elementary student than seeing his name on the board under the big heading of NOISY (and, okay, sometimes STANDING too, because we’re not supposed to do some unnecessary standing while there’s no teacher…and who could forget Not In Proper Seat or NIPS? Memories!). In my experience there are several ways to avoid being listed:

  1. When you are really good and do not make any noise/stand/go out of your seat;
  2. Pass notes instead of talking;
  3. Be a really good lip reader or learn sign languages;
  4. Be really good friends with the person listing the names to ensure that he/she doesn’t list you (now you know where corruption starts, pfft); or
  5. Be the person listing the names.

I remember that being the lister was the most coveted position in the class, even more than being class president (because in our school, the class president doesn’t always handle the discipline of the class). I remember praying that I was picked to be the person assigned for the day because I love being able to stand in front and watch each and every one of my classmates squirm under my gaze. Okay, that was bad. Seriously, I want to be the lister because it gives me an excuse not to list myself, you know? Not that I had a problem keeping my mouth shut if I wasn’t, but I never knew if a small whisper can be counted as “noisy” or not. You know? Sometime around Grade 5, I started becoming more responsible (Class Secretary, awarded Most Helpful and Most Responsible at least once during the school year) that the job came to me. I held that position until we were too old do that (of course, I almost got in trouble for being too talkative — my mom almost got called to school for disciplinary reasons during Grade 6 because I couldn’t control my mouth. My bad), and I guess in some way, I relished in the power it gave me. Somehow it made me feel that I was better than the others, that I am more trustworthy, that I am more responsible, that I hold their fate with the teacher in my hands.

Talk about power tripping.

But being in that position feels lonely too. If you decide to be really strict, your friends would get mad at you for doing so (this is considering the ages of the people who need someone to list is at the young age and wouldn’t really know better than not get angry at a friend who lists their names in front), and if you decide to spare your friends from the trouble, those you list would get mad at you for playing favorites.

So who wins in this situation? Do you? No. Sometimes, even if there’s so much power — more than anyone else that is — in that position, you’d rather be one of the students who stay in their seats in watch the lister in front warily. At least that way, you wouldn’t be harming anyone, right? You’d be responsible for your actions and not worry about how other people would react to what you do (except maybe for the teacher).

In connection. Sometimes we’re placed in positions we like, but is in a seemingly higher level than some other people who are also close to you. And sometimes, you can’t help but feel like those people who are close to you resent you for being in that position. You know? It’s not your fault your teacher placed you there, or you get assigned to that job or whatever, but still people resent you for being in that position. When you weren’t so busy with that job or assignment, you feel connected with them. But when things take you to hours occupied by things related to your job or assignment, you feel disconnected from those people…like you’ve gone and left them, or worse, they’ve gone and left you.

*insert sigh here*

This has been a busy week, although there are some things that didn’t seem to feel that okay since last week. You know the feeling? Of course, I may be paranoid and all, but the feeling sucks just the same.

This weekend I’m going to write. Write and write even more. Because I want to lose myself into that writing, to temporarily forget some things that are bothering me. To those who are now worried, don’t. This may be some hormones acting up, we never know (and I hope it is!). And it’s all about perspective, y’know?
Happy weekend everyone. :)

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

Of things I love to do and "lost" friendships

Okay, I think I’m done with my share of work for today. I’ve finished one module in our freelance project in Flash a while earlier, and now I’m about to send it to my workmate/former thesismate Micko to do the debugging. This is what happens when your groupmate gets a job and you don’t and you have a pending freelance project with them: you get stuck with putting it together and they get to do the debugging. Then again, debugging is bloodier, so I’m okay with this. :P Haha.

But believe it or not, I’m actually enjoying programming. I know that I sometimes complain about these things and how they make my brain feel like mush, but I actually do like to program. Call me geeky and all, but I like the challenge. :) I just realized that I actually like being able to solve complicated programming problems and finding ways on how to make a long string of code shorter and faster. :-B I guess all the four years being in Computer Science paid off, eh? Now if only I could learn to love Java, I bet I’d be able to work in any company I want. Haha, right. ;)

And speaking of things I love doing, I finished my second NaNoWriMo novel last weekend. :) I don’t know why I forgot to blog about it, but apparently, I did. ^^; The novel’s title is A Page is Turned, which talks about the life of two best friends, Isaac and Rebekah, who are seemingly destined to be with each other — or are they? It’s actually more of a friendship story than a love story, but I really love the twist I put at the ending. :P It’s probably my most creative story yet. It still has to undergo some editing, and I’ll post a preview of it in my Writings page.

I have my next novel in mind already, and I’m having fun imagining the main character her quirks. My genre for this year would be chicklit, much thanks to all Christian chicklit I just finished reading. :) I still have to figure out my character’s main conflict but I have time. I don’t want it to be a typical story, you know, like weight loss and if the character needs to take metabolism booster pills — I want something deeper. I think I’m going to really enjoy writing this one. :) Haha, bring it on, NaNo 2006! Hopefully this time I could get it published at Lulu. :D

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My Two Centavos, Thought-Provoking

Baptisms but no weddings

This morning during our last breakfast with Papa for his visit here in the country in Tropical Hut, my high school friend Chris arrived with some of his officemates from Teletech to eat breakfast. Because of his arrival, my mom, dad and I got to talking and then I stated one of my observations again: You’re getting older if you are starting to attend weddings instead of debuts.

Which is true, right? I mean, from fourth year high school up to smack in the middle of college, one of the most common events that everyone dresses up for and goes to are debuts of their female friends/classmates. After that, the next event would have to be weddings of their friends/classmates, and it wouldn’t be after a few more years (unless someone gets married right after college).

It’s just sad because I realized that I’ve heard more of baptisms from some of my friends instead of weddings. I wasn’t invited (I’m not a loner during high school, but I guess in some way I’m kinda socially inept. Haha, that’s the worst word I can use. I have personal issues during high school, things that I have noticed recently, but let’s reserve that for another entry), but I’ve heard some news from my friends who are more in touch. Of course, the age-range for my batch/generation/whatever you want to call us is way to young to get married (19-22). But it’s even way younger than the age we should be having children. You know?

I’m not condemning those people who I know that already have children at such a young age. I just feel sad that there seems to be more young women that I know that have children but are not married yet.

And then I watched in The Buzz earlier, before we left for the airport…and they were talking about Aleck Bovick being three months pregnant, I think…and they’re not even married. They are in a relationship, but you know, no wedding yet. The worst thing about that is, it feels and sounds okay.

That’s just…well, sad. Like I said, I’m not condemning the women who have children outside marriage or are pregnant right now or whatever case similar, I know that children are God’s gift and all…I just feel sad about the fact that it feels and sounds okay to the society that a couple in a relationship and who are probably headed for marriage would decide to “make love” before getting married with the excuse of “we’re headed toward that anyway” hanging over their heads. Wouldn’t it have been more magical if it happened the night after the wedding?

I’m sorry if this post offended anyone in any way. I’m just sharing my sentiments. Peace. :)