Tag Archives: changes

If my life were a TV show, this is where the flashbacks come in

I’ve had a really, really long week. Stayed late at work almost all week, had meetings, rejoiced over David Cook winning American Idol, had a terribly embarrassing moment, had really painful realizations, and had a despedida dinner for someone at work. If it weren’t for the daily mass, I’d probably be crazy right now. And it’s not over because of some big things happening this weekend, which I want to be excited for, but for some reason, I am not. This is weird, yes, but I’m guessing this is just an oppression…so….

Anyway. Long week it was. Lots of changes, things happening at work and my life that sometimes I just want to ask God to pause all of it for a while, and let me breathe. You know the feeling? This is definitely one of the moments I want a remote control where I could pause life for a while when it’s getting too suffocating with everything that’s happening, ala Click. Or, have a pensieve (sp?) like Albus Dumbledore where I could just dump my thoughts and memories there and go back to them when I’m ready.

I was telling Alvin and Grace earlier while the three of us hung out at Starbucks: if this were a TV show, this is the moment where the flashbacks come in. You know, the episode where everyone recalls what happened to them in the past? That one. We had Grace‘s despedida dinner earlier at work, and it hit me more today that Grace is really leaving. I’m happy for her, really, that her dream to go to Japan is now coming true…but there’s the sad feeling of her leaving the company. I know it’s a fact of life, that people come and go into your life, especially at work. It just feels sad that one my closest friends at work is leaving. :( I know we’ll still be friends, but it’s just…different. We didn’t even get to wear funny t-shirts together. Awww.

So earlier, we were talking about our first days in the company and how much fun we used to have as a team…we still have fun, yes, but a lot of things have changed now. I can’t go into detail, but it is very different. A few days ago, I was listening to one of the songs I kept on playing when I was first in the night shift and I remembered how simple everything seemed then. How easy it is to love my job, how easy it is to love my team. I still love my job and my team, but…like I said, things are changing and it’s not really comfortable.

Truth be told, I miss the old days. I miss how it was before.

But…we’ve got to face the music. I’ve got to adjust.


So…if you could spare some time for me, friends, please pray for me. The next few days are bound to be physically and emotionally taxing, I’m going to need all the prayers I can get.

In the meantime…enjoy your weekend friends. To those going to the Hillsong United worship on Monday, see you! :) And pray for us too. :D

Changed and Changes

I just finished baking my New Year’s cake, a Chocolate Chip Sour Cream Cake (will post about this once I know how it tastes — crossing my fingers now!), and earlier, I just cooked another batch of Chocolate Revel Bars, so now I feel like I’m so full of flour and sugar. How’s about that for spending the last year of 2007?

The other day I met up with Diana, an old elementary schoolmate who moved to Canada back in high school. It was supposed to be a reunion of sorts, but as usual, as with my “gimmick jinx”, no one else made it. Except for Happy, who I was with during the afternoon after a failed movie thing (Pfft, goodbye P140 because of Enteng Kabisote 4!), and we ended up eating, walking around Eastwood, listening to Regine Velasquez sing and sitting in Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf until my brother arrived.

It was a nice day, actually, even if I was hoping for a bigger crowd. It was nice talking to old friends and current friends and having everyone get along. During the course of the night (and after), however, I got thinking with something Diana said: “You haven’t changed.

No, it wasn’t said in a deregatory way. What she meant was, I haven’t change since the last time we saw each other…which was six years ago. I find comfort in the fact that I am still the same person I was (okay, a bit more mature than before), but as for other things…I guess I am still the same. As we were accompanying Happy while she shopped, I realized that the way I look is more or less the same as the way I used to look, way back in high school (sans the braces, of course), and the way I dress is still the same way I used to dress. My hair is still wavy, I did not grow taller, and I guess I am fatter than I was before. If we used to know each other and then we lost contact and we saw each other again, you won’t have any trouble recognizing me because I look the same.

Not that it’s not bad. I am comfortable with the way I look, and I like myself (but yes, I could lose a few pounds and all). But everyone I know and used to know, everyone around me has changed even some bit as they went through some defining moments in their lives. While I…was still stuck wherever I am.

Like I said, it’s not bad. But maybe it’s time I do something to change myself, you know? Physically. I won’t be doing it for other people, not to attract guys or because I feel insecure with anyone, but because I want to do it for myself. You know, do something new with the way I look. Get my hair straightened again, finally lose some weight, get out of the shirt+jeans+sneakers outfit. Maybe even wear a bit of make-up (gasp!). Be a girl, for a change, you know? There’s nothing wrong with that, right?

So God help me, I will try to be more…er, fashionable this year. I will start fitting clothes I never thought I’d fit before, start exercising seriously (so I won’t have to wear a corsets when I wear some…fit clothes), and start paying a bit of attention with the way I look…even just a bit. And yes, shopping! I told myself that starting next year, I’ll be buying myself a top/pants/skirt/shoes every month next year, and I must buy myself a dress by my birthday. I know I’m not the kind of girl who turns heads with her beauty, but that does not mean I can’t be presentable, right? ;) As with what I said a few days back, 2008 is the year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff, the year where I try new things for myself. And this is new. So…bring it on!

Less than six hours before we say goodbye to 2007! Have a safe New Year’s Eve, everyone! :) See you on 2008!


I got some minor “debriefing” for work today, from the person I will be replacing by November. Things change too fast here in the corporate world that it scares me. A lot. I told you I’m a control freak.

From doing almost nothing, I’ll probably be swamped with work and whatnot starting next month. That sure is some change because even if I am doing some work here in the office, it’s not as intensive as the one I will be doing. I’m nervous, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it right. I am supposed to have a partner, but I don’t know when my partner will arrive here and join me…so for the time being, it’s just me. And I have to cram a lot of information in my head for the next two weeks while things are being turn over to me.

I think I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself with the way I tell this…but I bet anyone who is here in my position would feel the same pressure. Though I shouldn’t, because the one I’m replacing tells me I shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions (which I will most certainly do for fear of messing up).

On to that topic, the fear of messing up…I shouldn’t be, right? Be afraid. Of messing up. Because the more I am, the more I will indeed mess up. I should trust myself and God that He will enable me to do the things that I am asked to do, because I believe that I am in the center of His will right now. It’s His will why I am here, and He will help me in the challenges I will face here. Right?

OF COURSE HE WILL. After all, God did promise and I know He doesn’t back out on any of His promises.

So for the next days, after I finish with all the remaining work I have before I get turned over to my new work…I shall pray. And I shall ask for your prayers too. Because I know I can’t do this alone, and just thinking about everything is making me panic. *bites fingernails* I will not, I will not panic. Things will be okay, and by God’s grace, I can do this. I can learn all of the things I need to learn and I can do this.

I haven’t asked for this for the longest time…but please do pray for me. If you can spare just a few seconds to knock on heaven’s door for me for the next few weeks, I’ll really appreciate it. :)

Not so bad

Today wasn’t so bad. Now I’m pretty sure I won’t be plunged headfirst into the unknown, so I’m okay. :)

I realized from this entire ordeal that I am not so good in coping with sudden changes. I like slow, gradual changes that I am aware of. Sudden turns in the road make me worry too much. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of a control freak.

But such is life. I can’t expect it to make changes come slow for me just because I have some sort of a hard time dealing with it. I have to be the one to adjust.

I will be okay. :)

Sleeplessly dealing

It’s way past midnight, and I’m still awake. Not yet sleepy.

Okay, maybe a bit.

I have this feeling of impending doom. Bah. I’m just being paranoid for Monday. It’s not the end of the world.

I have to get used to this. I have to get used to this. It’s how things work in the world, and I’ve got to deal. Deal, deal, deal.

Although I have to admit, I wish I don’t have to.

Like I said, it’s not the end of the world.


Oh, and it’s really sad that RJ got expelled this week on Pinoy Dream Academy. :( Oh well.

Cryptic Entry # 1: Changes

And change rears its (ugly?) head once again.

I don’t know why hearing the news made me feel so sad when it shouldn’t. At all. Because it’s not to be sad about. I should have expected this to happen eventually. In fact, it’s a totally new opportunity that I should have enough senses to grab eagerly. So why do I feel…well, not so excited about it?


Maybe it’s because I feel like someone’s pulling the rug under my feet just as when I was getting used to standing there. Maybe because I’m afraid. Or something. Maybe because I feel like being thrown into an entirely new environment again, even if that’s not really the case.

It just feels too soon, you know? Way too soon. Although it’s not like I can do anything else about it. And it’s not like I’m going to go somewhere far, far away too.

Deal, Tina. Deal. God will take care of you.

If you are going through a time of discouragement, there is a time of great personal growth. (Oswald Chambers)