day eleven.

Well hello, it’s Day 11! I’m on the second third of the challenge, what do you know? :)

Something’s been stressing me lately, and I know it’s something that I really have to address and not just ignore. I really have to do this, because the alternative is to go back to before, or just keep what I have and look like a total slob.

What am I stressing about?

Shopping.

I know, of all things, right?

I’m not much of a shopper. In fact, I used to go into a really bad mood swing when I was young whenever my mom would drag me to go shopping. I hated shopping. I was contented with wearing jeans + top + sneakers/rubber shoes. I hated sleeveless tops, I don’t wear dresses unless there’s a real need to, and I don’t bother for shoes and accessories. I chose comfort over other things, so that’s why I’m almost always underdressed.

Not only that, I wasn’t exactly the smallest girl back then. When I started growing horizontally, it was hard to find the clothes I liked, because more often than not, they don’t fit. :( Girl clothes aren’t like kids ties, you know, it’s not one-size-fits-all, or you can’t just get clothes without fitting them. And it pained me so much before to get bigger sizes, or see my thunder thighs in the mirror and see how much my stomach bulges whenever I fit the clothes I want. I was so self-conscious then, and sometimes shopping makes me tear up because it brings my self-esteem down. I remember, when I went shopping for office clothes before, I had to repeat a mantra to myself starting the night before shopping: I am beautiful, I will find clothes that look good.

So I really can’t deny the fact that when I lost inches at the same time when I lost weight, my self-esteem went up. I now understand what my friend told me about how it feels when people tell you that you’ve lost weight — it felt great. Wonderful, even, especially when you’ve never received that compliment before. It was nice to learn that you need belts to hold your pants up, or the clothes you can’t wear before fit you better, or the clothes you used to wear are too loose now. It really boosted my self-esteem.

But at the same time, it stressed me out, because I suddenly ran out of clothes. Right now there are two kinds of clothes in my closet: clothes that used to fit me but are too loose, and clothes that fit me now, but still don’t look too good and can only wear until I lose a few more inches/pounds. I can count with my fingers how many clothes I can wear for work, and right now I only have two more work pants left. That’s hard, because if for some reason that our clothes don’t get washed in a week because of power failure or something, I have nothing to wear to work.

Well, save for some old college skirts. Everything else is too loose. Wait, the pants I wear now are too loose, but they’re the only ones that still fit without dropping below my waist, or making it look too hip-hop.

So you see, it’s kind of stressful. And again, I’m not a shopper — I don’t make time to shop, and shopping wears me out. A lot. And shopping for nice office clothes that would last means it would cost a lot, and I’m not exactly rolling in dough, you know.

What’s a girl to do?

Shop in increments, of course. One to two pieces of clothing every month. Shoes, too. And to shop with good friends, because it makes it less painful and more fun. :)

I’ve started shopping since December, before our Coron trip, and since then, I’ve been slowly buying a few pieces of clothing every now and then, to add to my wardrobe. It’s hard sometimes, but it’s also kind of fun because I get to see what looks good on me, and getting things in a smaller size works wonders to my self-esteem. :) Plus shopping with friends is always fun. It’s a good thing my friends are adept with shopping.

So here’s what I learned from all my shopping adventures. Forgive my lack of knowledge in fashion terms or cuts or what — I’m a newbie here after all. :D

• I like dresses. The last time I wore a dress willingly was…gosh, I can’t even remember. My graduation? But it’s a formal dress, so it doesn’t really count. I guess the year-end party in 2007 was the last one. I didn’t exactly hate wearing dresses, but I just don’t feel as comfortable in it as I do in pants. After some time, I started feeling the need to wear a dress, and I finally did during Rent night. And you know what? It was so much fun wearing a dress! It required little thinking, just a bit of accessorizing, and I still looked pretty! Since then, I already bought three more dresses. Haha addicted much? I wore it once to work, and I felt really pretty, too, which was awesome. :D
• Long dresses make me look short. I tried this purple dress that goes down to my shins and it made me look a couple of inches shorter. Ooops. Then I tried on this pink dress that goes down above my knees and it looked just right. So I guess the proper length for me is just up to there because I’m short. :P
• I still need pants. And skirts. However, as much as I like dresses and want to wear them more often, the downside is I can’t wear them all the time, unless I build a wardrobe full of dresses. It’s not so easy to mix and match dresses you know because they’re always in one piece. I need skirts too because all my skirts at home are college skirts, and they make me look like a teacher! :o
• I also need new tops. Same with pants, tops are easier to mix and match, of course.
• Pants with side pockets don’t look good on me. I tried fitting a couple of pants the other day and all the pockets bulged at my hips. Uh-oh. I need ones with front pockets, or no pockets at all. Still searching! I think I’ll find them in the department stores.
• Clothes that last costs a lot. Okay, maybe not always, but sometimes the price is just painful. :( I need to keep on thinking that they’re investments, so I won’t feel bad in buying them.
• I want to go and shop at ukays. Do I have to explain this? I want to know how many clothes I can get with Php 1,000. :P
• Shoes, shoes, shoes. I’m not a shoe shopper too, and I can only count about three pairs that I wear to work. I love sneakers, but most of my sneakers last me for a long time…and I can’t always wear sneakers to work. Right now I’m learning what kind of shoes look good on me — just the right height (because I’m not a fan of high heels) and nothing that looked like boots because they cut my feet off and I look short — and I also have to remind myself that good shoes that last cost money. I’ve learned about cheap shoes the hard way, so sad. I’m still building my shoe collection…and I hope I don’t become addicted. Haha.
• Accessorizing is something I still have to learn. I’m not much of an accessories person, but I know how a simple necklace or bracelet can make the outfit look complete. I just wish I’m not allergic to fake stuff so I can wear the earrings I collected through the years. :(
• It’s really all about guts. I used to be afraid of wearing dresses to work because I know everyone would tease me, but after some time I got used to it. I’ve learned that wearing the clothes you like is really all about having the guts to wear them. If it looks good, don’t be embarrassed by it. Be proud. Flaunt what you’ve got, as they say. I’m learning, I’m learning. Sometimes I still feel shy, but whenever I look in the mirror and see a different person from before, I smile and tell myself that I’m beautiful, and I go out and have fun. :) Don’t worry about what other people think. :)

So yay. Tomorrow I’m watching Avenue Q with some friends and I’m dressing up for the theater again. :) This year I’ve already bought four dresses, two pairs of shoes, a belt, and a top. Just wait, I’ll get to the other clothes that I need. And then have a brand new wardrobe, for…well, I guess, brand new me?

It’s fun being a girl. Really. :)

Oh, and I found the cutest shoes today, too, that matches two of the dresses I bought this week! :) I can’t wait to wear them tomorrow. :)

True, right? :)

Happy weekend, everyone!