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Dear Diary, In His Steps, Quotable Quote

Hello, 2007

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Where was I for the past first five days of 2007? Let me list them down:

  • January 1: I spent the first two hours in prayer. *blissful smile* I was hit by a big realization the day before while having my hair cut, and that was then I decided that I will spend the first hour of 2007 in prayer. I ended up spending two because the first one was with my family while the second was for my own prayer time. I figured out that I concentrate better in my prayer when I write while I pray so now I write it down. :) I slept, then we went to Tagaytay after lunch for kicks. We visited the lot we have there, then ate at Josephine and went home. My brother and I were supposed to go to the gym but it was traffic so off home we go!
  • January 2: Back to work. It was still kinda relaxed since most people are still on leave. Oh yeah, this was also my first day of gym! Cardio workout for 30 minutes since we got there kind of late. :D
  • January 3: Workout again in the morning, and then work!
  • January 4: Workout again, lots of work and then dinner with the parents at Wendy’s. ♥
  • January 5 (Today): Workout again, then work and now home. HELLO WEEKEND!

Kinda boring if you list it like that. :P The only interesting day I had was New Year’s. Interesting in a way that it didn’t involve work. Although work can be a bit interesting; I’m just not allowed to talk about what exactly I am doing at work here. So there.

Although, I can definitely say that 2007 has been proving to be quite a challenging year so far. And yes, it’s mostly because of work. But let’s not talk about that. ;) It’s times like these that I wonder if I might really have the gift of prophecy (as in the gifts of the Holy Spirit). It’s not that I predict things that will happen (although sometimes, the things I say actually happen, but that’s for another post). Anyway, let’s see…2004 was a year where a lot of things happened, 2005 was the quiet year and 2006 was the year where I learned of God’s faithfulness. Before 2007 started, I was quite apprehensive because I can feel like this year is going to be a year of challenges. I feel like God is going to send me challenges here and there — things that will challenge my beliefs, my faith, my relationship with Him. I don’t know what these challenges are (except work? Haha okay I shall shut up now), but it’s enough for me to balk.

New Year’s Eve, I was praying for God to still my heart, that I may be ready for the coming year. I didn’t pray for it to pass, because I know I’d have to go through something like this sometime, and what better time than now?

Scary? You bet.

But then again, maybe that’s just me. You know, being negative for a change. Who knows? Only God knows.

Though…you know what? Last year is the year where I discovered God’s faithfulness which was deeper than I ever imagined…and this year is also an extension of that. Although maybe this year, God will bring me to another level, to have a real kind of faith, not the one that relies on feelings and experiences alone, but is solidly rooted in His saving love.

As I got out of the office earlier, I was thinking of a lot of things that involved our discussion in the office, as well as battling with this feeling of wanting to quit. But thing is, I’m not a quitter. Although sometimes it feels like I’m wasting my time, and I’ve been hearing so many stories that’s enough to scare me and make me want to retreat.

But then I don’t want to do anything that isn’t in God’s will. As I was walking towards the EDSA Shrine, I got thinking…about work, and the load that’s coming in the next few weeks, the challenges that I will have to face there…and I got scared. But then a word got to me: endurance.

I read it somewhere that we are put in places that isn’t necessarily what we want, and at times we kind of want to leave it because it’s not what we want, and it doesn’t make us happy. I know we should follow our hearts, whatever makes us happy…but do we even know what it is immediately? Yes, God’s will is our deepest desire, and God wouldn’t put us wherever we are miserable…but do we really know what our heart’s desire, just like that?

I’m not saying that God would make us do things we don’t like. God cares more about the journey rather than the destination. We may see that Thing A is good for us, but God sees that Thing B is the best, which is what He wants for us. And the journey to Thing B, is not always easy, but in the long run, it’s worth it because not only did we get the best, but we also became a different person through the journey. Only God knows what our Thing B is, which makes the adventure all the more interesting, albeit terrifying at times.
And through the journey? We endure. I looked up endurance in the Bible and I got this, which spoke to me immediately:

Be assured that from the first day we heard of you, we haven’t stopped praying for you, asking God to give you wise minds and spirits attuned to his will, and so acquire a thorough understanding of the ways in which God works. We pray that you’ll live well for the Master, making him proud of you as you work hard in his orchard. As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work. We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul—not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us.
– Colossians 1:10-12, The Message, emphasis mine

So this 2007, it may be a year full of challenges, but I know God is faithful. And God is definitely bigger than any of the challenges that will come. :)

Here’s to 2007. *cheers*

Dear Diary, In His Steps, Quotable Quote, Say Cheese!

It's coming around again

Hello, it’s the last year of 2006 and I still can’t connect through FTP so the layout will really just have to wait. Perhaps there’s other things God wants me to put in the layout so it’s waiting. Just be surprised when I have it up. :P

Anyway, I’ll be out later to go to my aunts’ house in QC for a pre-New Year visit, so I’ll be doing this 2006 look back now. I’d upload pictures, but it seems like I won’t be able to…so I’ll just link lots of stuff and re-post pictures I have lying around the site.

So…2006 was a year of fulfilled (and still being fulfilled) promises. 2004 eventful, 2005 was quiet, and 2006 was a year where I believed in God’s promises for me and the people I love; and also a year where I learned to branch out a little bit. Without further a do…here’s the monthly look-back I love doing. :P

Oh, and before you click that, I warn you this is going to be a long entry. :P

Continue reading It's coming around again →

Dear Diary

Manic Monday

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I. Am. Sleepy.

Okay, not so much, but sleepy and lethargic enough not to want to work today. It could just be the morning thing, and because I didn’t have enough sleep last weekend (stayed up to 3:00am waiting for my brother in Eastwood after the old YFC East A2 oldies reunion where Pinky and I left early thinking my brother would be there early, but he got there late. Sunday, I didn’t take any naps at all because I was busy writing, and I wasn’t sleepy). I feel like I had a long weekend again, probably because I spent most of it awake, and having long weekends make me feel like lazy to go to work by Monday.

I need busier weekends. Weekends where I actually go out and do something instead of hanging out in the house. And the energy and will to do it.

This is also a perfect example of a time when I’d rather be in school. Again, I am craving the familiarity of school. Don’t get me wrong; I’m adjusting quite well with work, but sometimes I wish I was back there in the academe, worrying only about grades and projects and even thesis, and not having to do things that may be life and death of a company you’re working on (okay, or not).

Hay. I wish I could go visit DLSU again soon, but then it’s too far and I’m in the office the whole day and I still have writing to do by the end of the day. So it’s not really possible for now.

Or, I could get this Monday sickness out with a strong dose of caffeine or something. :P

Hay Lord. I also miss my old YFC days. I miss having households to look forward to. I miss going up to the worship place every 6:00pm, and then having dinner with everyone else who were at the worship. I miss sleeping over at Tuesday’s condo, staying up all night talking about things and watching Hillsong videos. I miss having conferences to look forward to, and singing my heart out in worship during those conferences. I miss visiting GK sites. I know SFC is here for me already, but I’m still adjusting, and it’s not like YFC campus based where I can go to the tambayan anytime and talk YFC stuff anytime I want to.

This is a bad case of Monday sickness. Argh. I want to go home. I want to sleep. I think I shall sleep early tonight for a change. I can put off writing just for tonight so I can rest. Right? I am ahead of schedule.

I need to stick by that. :P

Anyway. I have a New Employee Orientation in 13 minutes and the elevator takes a long time going down to the 18th floor. At least that’s a nice way to spend my morning? I think. Haha. Don’t let me be too sleepy there, please.

Lord, give me energy. Enable me.

Dear Diary

Halloween pre-writing

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It’s Halloween and some of my friends who are working are on half day today. I’m itching to go home already — and I have about less than 3 hours before I can finally say goodbye to this working day. I think it’s because tomorrow is a non-working holiday that I just want to go home and plan my NaNoWriMo novel and get ready for tomorrow’s writing bonanza.

And I’m supposed to be in a meeting right now. But I’m not. Oops.

I want to go hoooome. Although…some said there might be some people trick or treating here today. That should be interesting. Haha.

Anyway. It’s the last day of October and tomorrow is the first day of the National Novel Writing Month! There is another reason for November 1 being a holiday (here in the Philippines, at least), is that because it’s the start of an all-month writing frenzy. 50,000 words in a month. Call me crazy, but I love every bit of it. :) From the early headstart of more than the scheduled word count per day to the weekly emails of encouragement, to the people from the NaNo boards, to the downtime sometime around the third week and to the finish at the end of November. True, it’s okay if you don’t get to finish up to 50K words…but it’s so much fun if you can do so! :)

I’ve posted about my novel twice (one, two), and I have a page full of notes for it in my planner, but I still feel so unprepared. My main character’s pretty solid already and I think she can stand on her own after a while, but I still need to give characters to her brother, her best friends and some of her cousins who will be making appearances in the novel. Plus her boss, one annoying officemate and some possible love life angles here and there. My plot feels so scattered too, and though I know the start and the end of my novel, I don’t know how to bridge the two. HELP!!!

This means I should focus on this one tonight. I must!

I won’t be putting up a separate blog for this like I did the past two years (and I never updated them after posting Chapter 4, haha!). Instead, I’ll just be posting some excerpts of the novel here in this blog during the month, as well as some progress reports here and there. You’ll see my NaNo widget over there (look at sidebar!) where you can see the number of words I have written so far. :)

Wohoo. And yes, I am also thinking of how the heck I am going to write given the work I am about to be given starting next month. It’s part of the thrill. Haha. Again, I’m crazy. :P

On other news. Like I mentioned, work is coming this month, and I’ll be doing some things under supervision of a vendor…which scares me a bit because I don’t know if I’m ready just yet. There’s still a part of me that’s afraid of messing up, and I really wish it would go away because I know I’d end up messing up if I keep on thinking that way. :-s

More thoughts on this on the next post. In the meantime, I shall go and read some slides I need to study, which should be easier than writing phentermine reviews. :) I might get interrupted anytime now and I won’t be able to post this.

4:01pm! Two and a half hours till quitting time!

Dear Diary

Debriefing

I got some minor “debriefing” for work today, from the person I will be replacing by November. Things change too fast here in the corporate world that it scares me. A lot. I told you I’m a control freak.

From doing almost nothing, I’ll probably be swamped with work and whatnot starting next month. That sure is some change because even if I am doing some work here in the office, it’s not as intensive as the one I will be doing. I’m nervous, because I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it right. I am supposed to have a partner, but I don’t know when my partner will arrive here and join me…so for the time being, it’s just me. And I have to cram a lot of information in my head for the next two weeks while things are being turn over to me.

I think I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself with the way I tell this…but I bet anyone who is here in my position would feel the same pressure. Though I shouldn’t, because the one I’m replacing tells me I shouldn’t be afraid to ask questions (which I will most certainly do for fear of messing up).

On to that topic, the fear of messing up…I shouldn’t be, right? Be afraid. Of messing up. Because the more I am, the more I will indeed mess up. I should trust myself and God that He will enable me to do the things that I am asked to do, because I believe that I am in the center of His will right now. It’s His will why I am here, and He will help me in the challenges I will face here. Right?

OF COURSE HE WILL. After all, God did promise and I know He doesn’t back out on any of His promises.

So for the next days, after I finish with all the remaining work I have before I get turned over to my new work…I shall pray. And I shall ask for your prayers too. Because I know I can’t do this alone, and just thinking about everything is making me panic. *bites fingernails* I will not, I will not panic. Things will be okay, and by God’s grace, I can do this. I can learn all of the things I need to learn and I can do this.

I haven’t asked for this for the longest time…but please do pray for me. If you can spare just a few seconds to knock on heaven’s door for me for the next few weeks, I’ll really appreciate it. :)

Dear Diary

Not so bad

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Today wasn’t so bad. Now I’m pretty sure I won’t be plunged headfirst into the unknown, so I’m okay. :)

I realized from this entire ordeal that I am not so good in coping with sudden changes. I like slow, gradual changes that I am aware of. Sudden turns in the road make me worry too much. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a perfect example of a control freak.

But such is life. I can’t expect it to make changes come slow for me just because I have some sort of a hard time dealing with it. I have to be the one to adjust.

I will be okay. :)

Randomnities

Sleeplessly dealing

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It’s way past midnight, and I’m still awake. Not yet sleepy.

Okay, maybe a bit.

I have this feeling of impending doom. Bah. I’m just being paranoid for Monday. It’s not the end of the world.

I have to get used to this. I have to get used to this. It’s how things work in the world, and I’ve got to deal. Deal, deal, deal.

Although I have to admit, I wish I don’t have to.

Like I said, it’s not the end of the world.

Deal.

Oh, and it’s really sad that RJ got expelled this week on Pinoy Dream Academy. :( Oh well.

Dear Diary, In His Steps

Friday love ♥

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I was supposed to make a post earlier at work before I went home but the Internet there suddenly went down and when I clicked on “Save”, I lost the entry. Oh well.

This week has got to be the busiest week I’ve had at work so far. I started out reading a lot last Monday, but things picked up last Wednesday when I was asked to go to a training at Libis. From that training, Thursday picked up with two meetings, lots of testing, document updating that lasted until today. I hardly read the Harry Potter 6 ebook I have in my hard drive. How about that. :P I actually started feeling hungry in the afternoons and Jane said that was because I was doing some brainwork. :P

I know this is just a taste of the work that I will be doing in the next few weeks and months. I’m slowly getting the hang of it though…and you know what? I actually enjoy it. :) And it really helps that I’ve got a cool boss too (haha, in case you happen to drop by here, hi Sir! :P).

Sometimes I still feel some kind of fear at the back of my mind, like what if the close friends I have in the office have to leave, or what if I couldn’t accomplish a specific job because I couldn’t understand it or what if I just happen to have a bad week or something? Shallow everyday fears that I’m sure some, if not most people feel. The moment I feel the edges of fear, I quickly shove it away and remember God’s promise that He will always take care of me. He’s done a pretty good job taking care of me for the past 20 years; why should He fail me now? :)

Oh yeah! As of last Wednesday (October 4), I’ve been officially employed for a month. How cool is that? :)

The past few days I’ve also been feeling quite festive. Why? Because National Novel Writing Month 2006 opened last October 1! I mean, how could I not be excited? It’s the biggest writing event of the year! I’ve been browsing the boards and I am amazed at all the creative energy I can feel from the computer. It’s one big community of writers racing to get 50,000+ words within thirty days, and it’s just so thrilling. Ahhh! I haven’t made really big plans for this year’s novel but I’m getting to it. Wohoo. November, here I come! Oh yeah, if you’re a Filipino and you want to join, go ahead! You won’t lose anything; in fact, you’ll also gain a lot of friends because there’s a Philippines forum in the NaNo Boards. :)

Anyway, I better go and do my nightly rituals. My plans for tomorrow are slowly unravelling and to be honest it’s unnerving and I’m thisclose to giving up on it, but let’s see what will happen first. Lord, please let everything work out. I know You will.

Dear Diary

Monday Sickness

No, I’m not sick. I’m just feeling terribly lazy for a Monday. :P I feel like I had a long weekend even if I was at the office last Friday…probably because of the lack of activity and all.

Still not doing anything. Ho-hum. Okay, stop pouting about this! Be thankful, Tina.

Anyway, my dad went back to Saipan yesterday, so now my mom, brother and I are back to being roommates at night. When my dad is here, we sleep at our own rooms (my lovely, soft bed!) and my brother and I get to share my airconditioner through an exhaust fan between our rooms. But when my dad’s back there, we all sleep together in the master’s bedroom, so we could save electricity. I don’t know why, but for some reason my nose feels drier when I wake up there than in my room. I end up having to sniffle a lot just so my nose would feel normal again. Pfft.

But anyway. Today I’m doing some ebook reading and chatting with some people who are online through Gmail Chat. I honestly don’t think I have anything else up to do today except maybe wait until I can go home (whee). I think, tomorrow, I might have some kind of meeting, if I am included there (and somehow I hope so).

This is the life? Haha. I guess. :)

Anyway, because I’m doing a lot of leisurable web-surfing here…here’s some websites to check out. :D

  • Catholic Discovery – Are you Catholic? Do you have some questions about Catholicism? Or are you just plain curious? Go and join this yahoogroup and learn and re-learn things about Catholicism! (I promise, no spam here!)
  • Amazing Race Asia Teams – 2 Filipino teams! Manila represent! Haha. Wohoo! But wait, is that Aubrey Miles? I can’t wait to watch this.
  • Write Stuff – excellent tips and resources and references for writers. :) Gotta love this place!
  • Cuteness overload: The Daily Kitten, The Daily Puppy and Things That Make You Go Aahh.
  • National Novel Writing Month 2006. Ever wanted to write a novel? Or has the thought, “What if I write a novel?” ever cross your mind? If so…go here! It’s almost time to unleash your creative juices! Join the fun and craziness as we write a 50,000 (+) word novel in 30 days! :D

It’s 1 hour and 15 minutes till time to go home. :D