Tag Archives: growing up

Dear Diary

Rain rain on my face

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Okay, so there was actually no rain on my face, but it kind of sucks when rain destroys all your weekend plans of pampering yourself and and all the “pampering” you did was catch up on sleep. Bah. Not that I don’t mind sleeping in…but my pampering! :)) I didn’t get to watch a movie last week because of…lots of things, and I was planning to get a haircut today since my hair’s starting to get unruly, and split ends abound, and I want to have it cut before I get it straightened.

Oh well. The pampering shall wait, I guess. And it’s no use if my hair gets wet after it has been blow-dried. :P It is nice to snuggle under the covers and sleep, or write in my journal after days of not catching up (which reminds me, I need to get back to it). And I’m so glad electricity is back — every geek’s nightmare is when there’s no electricity and the gadgets are not charged. :-B Hee.

Anyway. I’ve had a long week. The last time I had something like this was last February, but that was just physically tiring. This week was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting, that I still feel the effects of it until now. I’m just glad it’s over and I wouldn’t have survived if it weren’t for my friends, both inside and outside of work. Thank you.

The next week’s going to be just as busy as the last, but I’ve heeded my teammate’s advice and listed down the things I need to do so I can prioritize. I’m done writing down my “Big Rocks” ((A 7 Habits for Highly Effective People term which refers to the big things you have to accomplish every week depending on your role which you schedule first and are not supposed to be moved. The other things that come during the week are “Little Rocks”, which you schedule around the big rocks)) and placed them on my planner. I’m kind of nervous about the turnout of these things I will be doing, but…God is faithful. Be with me Lord.

I can’t wait till June is over. After this month I’m going to let go of a couple of responsibilities which I should have let go of since March. But this time, I’m putting me first, and focus on other commitments. Not even free CAT5e products can change my mind.

It’s still raining a bit outside, but I really hope the flood at our village gate subsides soon because I need to get to work tomorrow. I have to be at an important presentation in the afternoon and the presentation is not yet even started, plus I have tons of emails to send, which I really need to send tomorrow to get things rolling.

See, I’m thinking about it already. Bah. RELAX. Breathe.

Stay safe, everyone!

In His Steps

Two Years Later, How's that Heart?

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It’s been exactly two years since I wrote this entry, which has been one of my most read/viewed posts to date. I’ve received lots of comments on that entry, all of which are inspiring and touched me at one point or another, from people I know to strangers who just found my entry online (which is on the third position when you search for singlehood in Google :P).

So now, two years later…how am I? More importantly, how’s my heart?

Yes, that’s everyone’s favorite question. :>

But seriously now. Here’s me, two years after the entry:

Continue reading Two Years Later, How's that Heart? →

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

Separation Anxiety

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Yahoo! Messenger works wonders, especially if you’re feeling sad and you kind of want everyone in your contact list to notice, even if you pretend you don’t. Hah. My YM status last night was from one of my new favorite artist’s songs, Jon McLaughlin’s Human: Is there any other reason why we stay instead of leaving?

See? Feel the drama! Because of that, I ended up talking to more than 5 people last night. Heh.

People leaving in the workplace isn’t a new thing for me. In my first job, it came to a point where someone says goodbye every single week. It was a serious morale downer, and I have to admit that it’s one of the things that made me entertain the thought of leaving and actually doing so. It was hard, but in a way it was kind of an accepted fact in my last job. Not even better offers inside the company or free wine racks can make them stay. What goes through my mind every time someone leaves is not “Why are they leaving” but “When will it be my turn?” It’s that bad, in my opinion.

Moving into my new job is one of the best things that happened last year, and I know I mentioned it here more than once. Compared to my first one, this place is heaven. My salary isn’t as high as what my other friends in other companies have, and it’s not really hardcore IT, but compared to my old job, this is really so much better. On top of doing the job that I love (web related), I get to meet lots of new people because of my extra-curriculars (I love that I get to do extracurriculars here), and I can see a lot of career possibilities for me. It feels like I’m in school with a huge monthly allowance, which I really like. It’s not perfect, yes, but it’s so much better than in other places. So I guess I am a happy camper here.

Which is probably why it’s kind of hard for me to accept and hear that other people who I’ve met and are getting to know and became friends with are all planning to leave or thinking about leaving or is not satisfied here. I know it’s different for every person, and the environment is not the same in every account (and I’m really lucky to be in my domain and account right now), and other people aren’t fulfilled with what they are doing or are tired with what they are doing, compared to me who feels like it’s just starting.

Continue reading Separation Anxiety →

Dear Diary

Some Life Updates

A lot has been happening in my life lately, most especially at work. Here are the things that has happened, which I’ve tried my best to put in order:

  • Hillsong United in Manila
  • Grace’s last day (Which I have yet to post about…but for now, I miss you dear!)
  • Battling sore throat and colds so I won’t get sick (Orofar-L for the win!)
  • Celebration dinner at Italianni’s with a whopping bill (as in!)
  • More news which I really don’t want to talk about yet. :|
  • Meeting up with Street Team friends for World Pyro Olympics and bonding until midnight with my best friend who I haven’t seen for the loooongest time
  • Shopping with my mom and seeing our new (but bare) condo.
  • Getting a Sun SIM card and a phone due to popular demand (especially the Street Team. Hah).
  • Work annoyances which I don’t know if I should talk about here.

In fairness, I’m not really busy right now, which is kind of unusual. I still have some email blasts to do for the club, plus the normal work. I am ashamed to admit that I’ve snapped one too many times at work. :( Some things I realized about myself though:

  • I don’t look stressed, but my stress comes out in bursts of anger. And I believe I’m not yet done having short tempers. :( Ack, I’m so sorry.
  • Changes are really unnerving. I know it’s normal and all, but still, it’s hard when people decide to leave all of a sudden. Their changes vary, of course, and I can’t blame them for choosing that way. It’s just hard when the people around you who make you happy aren’t happy with what they have or where they are. Or are forced to choose other things over you. I know it’s very selfish to only think of what makes me happy, so I try my best to understand. It’s just hard and uncomfortable and sad, mostly on my side. Hay. How I wish adjusting to change and my feelings could be changed as quickly as car parts, but no. Life isn’t like that.
  • I miss hearing mass everyday, like the way I did in college. I’m glad that God has given me the chance to revive that; even if I am doing it for a specific intention. I’m thinking of still going to mass everyday, no matter what the outcome of the Sydney waiting game is.
  • I am truly a work in progress, as I find myself coming face to face with some old challenges (as if God is giving me another chance to really apply what I’ve learned) and some new challenges (where He seems to be asking me to be a better person…and it’s hard :| ).

Life’s good. Not always easy, yes, but as Ayiesha Woods sings, If everyday was an easy day, you’d never be able to say that Jesus brought you through. Amen. God is good, no matter how hard life can be.

And now I am off to mass. :) Have a great Tuesday everyone.

Dear Diary

If my life were a TV show, this is where the flashbacks come in

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I’ve had a really, really long week. Stayed late at work almost all week, had meetings, rejoiced over David Cook winning American Idol, had a terribly embarrassing moment, had really painful realizations, and had a despedida dinner for someone at work. If it weren’t for the daily mass, I’d probably be crazy right now. And it’s not over because of some big things happening this weekend, which I want to be excited for, but for some reason, I am not. This is weird, yes, but I’m guessing this is just an oppression…so….

Anyway. Long week it was. Lots of changes, things happening at work and my life that sometimes I just want to ask God to pause all of it for a while, and let me breathe. You know the feeling? This is definitely one of the moments I want a remote control where I could pause life for a while when it’s getting too suffocating with everything that’s happening, ala Click. Or, have a pensieve (sp?) like Albus Dumbledore where I could just dump my thoughts and memories there and go back to them when I’m ready.

I was telling Alvin and Grace earlier while the three of us hung out at Starbucks: if this were a TV show, this is the moment where the flashbacks come in. You know, the episode where everyone recalls what happened to them in the past? That one. We had Grace‘s despedida dinner earlier at work, and it hit me more today that Grace is really leaving. I’m happy for her, really, that her dream to go to Japan is now coming true…but there’s the sad feeling of her leaving the company. I know it’s a fact of life, that people come and go into your life, especially at work. It just feels sad that one my closest friends at work is leaving. :( I know we’ll still be friends, but it’s just…different. We didn’t even get to wear funny t-shirts together. Awww.

So earlier, we were talking about our first days in the company and how much fun we used to have as a team…we still have fun, yes, but a lot of things have changed now. I can’t go into detail, but it is very different. A few days ago, I was listening to one of the songs I kept on playing when I was first in the night shift and I remembered how simple everything seemed then. How easy it is to love my job, how easy it is to love my team. I still love my job and my team, but…like I said, things are changing and it’s not really comfortable.

Truth be told, I miss the old days. I miss how it was before.

But…we’ve got to face the music. I’ve got to adjust.

Hay.

So…if you could spare some time for me, friends, please pray for me. The next few days are bound to be physically and emotionally taxing, I’m going to need all the prayers I can get.

In the meantime…enjoy your weekend friends. To those going to the Hillsong United worship on Monday, see you! :) And pray for us too. :D

Dear Diary

Long Hours and Weekends

It’s Friday!

And I’m still at work! ACK!

I’ve been spending long hours at work lately because of all the…er, work, I have to do. For some reason, things have been piling up, both the real work and the extra curricular stuff. It feels like school all over again, with all the projects and extra curricular stuff that I used to be involved in. Couple that with the rainy season we seem to be experiencing lately, and I feel like Eastwood is my new Taft campus. Did that make sense?

In one of my meetings this past week, I was definitely feeling the stress (but that’s also because there was some kind of issue with the team before then, hence the more stress), but while I was at the meeting, I was feeling a bit…calm. My project teammates told me I look and act even more hyper when I have so much stuff to do. Eh, really? I didn’t notice.

But…maybe they’re right. Looking back, it’s not that I like having so many things to do, but my energy level doesn’t seem to die down, even if I was up to my ears with things to do. I’d like to believe I’m more focused than before and I finish everything on time, but that’s quite ambitious of me. :P I have learned, however, not to complain about the things I’ve committed to do. It’s pointless, see, when you accept some kind of responsibility and then end up complaining while you’re doing it. If the responsibility was forced on me, maybe I would complain, but I still had the choice to accept it or not. And once I’ve accepted a task, I always tell myself to follow through and to not utter any complaint when it gets hard…because it’s part of it. It’s like…buying prescription weight loss pills and then drinking them and then complaining of the possible side effects when it’s clearly written outside. Somekindalikethat. ;) Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, right? :)

Of course, I know I still complain every now and then…but I try as much as possible not to. So maybe that’s where my positive and hyper attitude is coming from despite of all the stress.

But…now it’s the weekend! Yes, and I think I’m done with all the things I need to do today. Which means, I can go home! FINALLY! And as of this writing, all my teammates have left. The night shift people aren’t in yet…so it’s only me in the team left in our area.

To all those on a trip this weekend, have a safe one and enjoy! To all those staying home (like me…sort of), enjoy your weekend too! :D

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

On cleaning up and moving on

Yesterday my mom and I spent the whole day cleaning and rearranging my room. I am finally getting my much-awaited and wished for bookshelf, hence the room rearrangement. My room’s much spacier now, which I really love. We got rid of the office chair and my desk is now right in front of my bed, so I can sit on my bed and type and watch videos while lying down. :P No need for leather office chairs! And I think I can fit in a beanbag chair in here once the bookshelf is set. YES!

The whole cleaning thing got me affected though. Too many dust = minor asthma attack. ACK. I was supposed to go out with Happy and Tuesday to scour Greenhills for an external hard drive, but I guess today I must rest if I have to be up and at ’em all week. So…hard drive can wait.

While cleaning up, I found tons of useless papers I stuffed in my drawers. I found old printed stories from KidPub that I liked. I found old school stuff — old handouts and papers that I said I’d use as scratch paper but never did because I never found the use for them. At least not yet…and well, I don’t think I ever will. I’m far from cleaning everything up, but I’ve resolved to throw away everything that I don’t need anymore. Yes, it’s time to say goodbye to being a pack-rat.

Anyway, since I’m talking about cleaning up and moving on from all the old stuff, Tuesday and I got into a discussion last Saturday about someone who’s been currently missing in action in our lives for a long time now. It’s hard to know and decide when to let go of someone especially when that person is a good friend. You know, when to move on when it seems like the friendship is on…a limbo. It’s not that I won’t think of that person as a friend, but I’m just stopping myself from putting my life on hold so that person and I could catch up. For all I know, that person could be living his/her own life and enjoying it without me. It’s sad, yes, but maybe, that’s the way how some things are and will be. That person will still be a friend, and hopefully, we’ll get back to how it sort of was before someday. But right now, I think it’s time to see my other friends and appreciate them for how they stay in my life, yes?

My mom’s been calling me for lunch so I can drink my meds. :D Happy Araw ng Kagitingan. :D

In His Steps

My Lenten Sacrifice

Since we’re on the topic of Lent, and Ash Wednesday just passed, I found this piece I wrote last year for Jun, for his email distribution list. I find it funny how the thing I wrote really happened, and how many emails and text messages I received that day because of this thing. True, love life is a big thing for everyone, even if a lot of people deny it. :P

Anyway, this was posted on Godchicks, but since the site is kind of hibernating right now, I’m reposting it here for everyone’s…I don’t know, enjoyment? Haha. I hope you guys will be blessed with this one as I was blessed writing and reading it. :)

My Lenten Sacrifice
(March 9, 2007)

Two years ago, I gave up boys for Lent.

Continue reading My Lenten Sacrifice →

Dear Diary, Thought-Provoking

I'm losing you and it's effortless

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Despite the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie thing with Grace and Jeb, I’m feeling quite down today. I blame it all on the introspection I did on the dorky email invite I sent last night, to what kind of leadership style I have to me not having someone to vent this all out on. Not that I mind being able to write in my journal; it’s just that I miss having someone to vent all the things out on. Not only any person, but a specific person.

So now I ask the question: Is a friend still a friend even if you hardly talk to each other? Let’s say you had a pretty good friendship, but then a lot of things happened to your individual lives — one of you got a relationship, both of you started working, or someone in the family goes away, or something like that — and because of all of this, you slowly lose contact. You still consider the other person as a friend, but you hardly see each other, let alone talk. You can’t wait to tell the other person about everything, but when you do, you get nothing back. You text, but you don’t get a reply because you’re from a different network. You plan something so you would see each other, but then the other person doesn’t show up. Or the other person shows up, but terribly late and everything’s over. You continue talking about time together, but nothing ever happens. You find out major things about the other person from someone else, and when you ask that person, that’s when you get to know what really happened. You feel like you’re giving everything to preserve the friendship you have and there’s nothing from the other end.

Who feels like that sometimes? How about right now? *raises hand*

Continue reading I'm losing you and it's effortless →

Dear Diary

Last Working Day

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And before you say anything about my title, no, I don’t mean my last working day ever here. What I mean is, it’s the last working day for 2007! For us, at least.

Ah, what was I doing last year? I was worried and all about the upcoming year, and it’s mostly because of work. Hah. I’m that neurotic. Well, I’m still a bit neurotic in that sense, but I am definitely doing so much better this year than last year. :)

This week has been package week for me at work. My gift for Grace arrived yesterday, as well as a late birthday gift to Happy from me and Tuesday, and earlier today, I got my Moleskine Asia order, which contains my 2008 planner, 2 blank notebooks that I plan to use somewhere (journals, yay!), and my gifts to Tuesday and Bea. I was so giddy when I received my packages — even if I spent on all of them — just because. I miss receiving letters from snail mail. The only letters I received for the past year were bills. Hah. I now know the feeling.

Maybe next year I can invest in snail mail stuff. Hmmm.

Armed for 2008!Anyway, a bit earlier today, while fixing my stuff, I was holding my new planner and the Moleskine I won a few months ago, when I was hit by my OC-ness. I tore the two pages I have written in in the said notebook, then opened one of the plain Moleskines I ordered and told myself this would be my journal for 2008. Why change from the other even if they’re both Moleskines? Can’t tell, I was sworn to secrecy. :D But anyway, I’m now using this other plain pocket Moleskine…So now I have two identical-looking notebooks all ready for 2008.

Suddenly I’m excited. :) I remember last year I was so apprehensive at the incoming year; this year, I’m psyched. I’ve always made predictions at the start of every year since 2004. Not the fortune-telling kind, but the a general feeling of how the year will go. Like, 2004 was the year of “many happenings” and 2005 was the quiet year, and 2006 was the year of promises and 2007 was the difficult year. What about 2008?

I think 2008 will be…different. I believe it will be definitely better than 2007. In what ways, only God knows. If 2007 was the year of Great Adventures, I think 2008 will be the year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff (thanks to the NaNoWriMo people for this term :) ). Come to think of it, I think that term is very similar to Great Adventure. ^^;

But yes…2008 is going to be the year for it. :) The year of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff. I don’t know what 2008 holds, but I’ve got several things to put in my list of Big, Fun and Scary Stuff to conquer this year. :) Like, lose weight (seriously), drive (seriously), bake something new other then my revel bars (and maybe get myself an Ove glove to prevent burns), and go to Sydney. :D Woooh. And that’s just the start! Exciting!

What about you? What do you think 2008 holds for you? :)